I was the flower girl in my very first wedding. The night before my Uncle Jay married my Aunt Jeannie, I threw and absolute fit and decided that no, I would NAHT be the flower girl. So my mom took me aside and let me know that if I wanted to wear my flower girl dress then I would shape up because only flower girls got to wear the special dresses.
And shape up I did- for the dress. I went above and beyond my basket-carrying duties, pulling my adorable (and probably pricey) arrangement apart to throw flowers individually into all of the pews at the church. I knew that brides threw bouquets (even at 5. I honestly wonder how I picked that up) and tossed my little basket into the air/ onto the roof of the church. My family still talks about it… fondly?
I’ve known my whole life that I wanted flower girls in my wedding. Since I am technically niece-less, I chose Sweet Baby Rey, the daughter of a former coworker and forever friend, and Baby Sydney, whose family I’ve gone to church with for years. Our nephew, Ryker, at under 2 years old, was really too young for a job in the wedding, but made an adorable little dancing machine at the reception.
What stressed me out is that Kendall and I are at the age where our friends have/ are having kids, and as cute as they all are, truly, we just didn’t want our day to turn into a daycare. My biggest worry was definitely for the ceremony.
So I pondered, I googled, I asked friends (Especially ones with kids. Definitely the ones with kids in the wedding.) what they thought I should do. I came up with what I think ended up being a smooth solution. I put in both on the website and on the invitation that:
While children are a joy and a blessing, we respectfully ask that this be an adult-only ceremony and reception, barring the few little ones who are in our wedding party.
I also offered a solution for folks who couldn’t travel without their little ones:
The Mayflower offers a babysitting service at $25 an hour with 4 hours minimum. Please give them a call at (202) 347-3000 to arrange.
Now, a few of the bridal message boards I read heavily advised against having this on the website and invites, and said you should tell the individuals in person should the issue arise. Well, sorry, but I think it’s more respectful to clearly lay out your expectations rather than hope they reach guests by word of mouth, or hope folks get the hint based on the way the invitations are addressed. Wedding etiquette has evolved, as it should.
One other thing I did come across though, and I totally see the reasoning, you cannot and should not expect a breastfeeding mother to leave her young baby with a caregiver. We had three women invited with new babies; one had just gotten off maternity leave and couldn’t take more time off work and two were actually born the week of the wedding, so it was a moot point. But if you invite someone with a new baby, expect that new baby to be there if the mother is.
Now, for our cuties that were in the wedding…
Having little kids in your wedding is all about managing expectations. You can’t expect a toddler to do anything, really, because they are unpredictable cookie eating machines. We thought Ryker would be a pistol and had mentally prepared for that, but he slept through the ceremony and was a total hit at the reception. Best baby boy ever award goes to him. Reygan, who I thought would be a sass monster dancing down the aisle got a total case of the shy, and Sydney was literally eating a cookie as we lined up to do the procession. Her mom, Julie, was a lifesaver getting the girls down the aisle, and they looked beautiful. And you know what? We have hysterical pictures of them being wrangled into the church that we can laugh about as well as pictures where they looked like little angels in the dresses I designed for them. Win win.
It’s also important to make sure your little guys are happy and comfy. My mom actually got the girls an outfit change so they could be more comfortable for dinner and dancing, and we made sure Reygan had a kid-friendly meal fit for a princess. The babies just shared meals with their parents. My amazing coordinator, Tabitha, saw Ryker drop his lollipop and quickly replaced it with a fresh one. Remember that your tiny tots are special guests too and keep in mind what they may need or want.
I think the point here is that you never want to hurt and feelings, but you deserve for your day to be your day. I feel like we handled that pretty well. Have you been to a no-kids or limited-kids wedding? Did you have your own?
Flower girl 
photos by Darrell McDavid photography
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