If you were paying attention on my Instagram last week, you might have seen that I went to a very important concert. Yellowcard has been one of my favorite bands since just before 9th grade. My friend Joanne had me tag along with her to my very first Warped Tour and we listened to all of her big brother’s cool music in the car. That was the first time I heard Ocean Avenue and I never looked back. I lost count of how many times I’ve seen them over the years- with my best friend Casey, at Warped Tour several times with other important friends, even by myself.
The rest of high school, Yellowcard’s music became like family to me. I danced in high school- that’s just who I was and what I did. I got into this a little bit on my Instagram post, but dance, music, and art were a huge reason I could complete high school (and with honors!) after losing my sister in 9th grade. Whether that meant curling up in a corner of the freshman hallway drowning out everything with Simple Plan, rocking out in my mom’s car with my bests to Outkast, or dancing my heart out in the studio to the picks of the rest of my dance co- music was everything. The end of my sophomore year, when I was ready, I choreographed a dance to View From Heaven that, as weird as it may sound, was really choreographing my feelings about losing my sister so young. I could physically project what was really complicated for me to comprehend. That dance was featured in the documentary, Prescription: Suicide? that I narrated, helped write, and that sent me on the path to study documentary film-making.
The following year, some of my best friends in the world, more like brothers and sisters, graduated a year ahead of me. I was super entangled in the class of ’06, even though I was a little bitty ’07. I’d been almost adopted by them as a freshman and after they left, I broke down completely one afternoon when I went looking for them only to remember that they were now in college. To commemorate their graduation, and also to work through some very complicated feelings about said graduation, I choreographed a piece to Only One. I think I was just as much The Yellowcard Girl as much I was The Dance Girl. I’m OK with that.
Seeing Yellowcard one last time, with Kendall by my side, I completely fell apart. I’m talking really ugly sobs. Really. Ugly. They were the same tears that fell when I carried the cross at the ’06 graduation at the National Cathedral. They were the same tears that still fall sometimes when I’m really missing Candace. It was like saying goodbye to a dear friend. Thank you, Yellowcard, for being one of the bands that was always, and will always be, there for me. My memories of my sister and some of my dearest friends will forever be entangled in this music.
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