I consider how I want to memorialize Candace’s birthday every year. For her 21st, I threw a party at her local bar with proceeds going to her namesake foundation at St. John’s, where we went to church and school. For her 25th, we planted two trees and had a luncheon for close friends and family at Montgomery Country Club, where we’ve been members since she was a toddler.
This year, I wanted to connect her birthday to a cause I truly thought she’d support. I started looking up anti-bullying groups and right away I found Born This Way Foundation. Born This Way Foundation is committed to supporting the wellness of young people and empowering them to create a kinder and braver world. To achieve these goals, Born This Way Foundation leverages evidence-based programming and authentic partnerships in order to work with young people to build kinder communities and improve mental health resources. I have a couple of stories to tell you why I think Born This Way Foundation resonates with me for her birthday:
Candace was known for being a great friend, often including kids who weren’t being included otherwise. We went to a predominantly (almost entirely, really) white school, and Candace would intervene when the one non-white little girl was either not-included or teased because of the color of her skin. She basically told the other little girls to knock it off because 1) it didn’t matter! and 2) she thought Leah’s color was beautiful! Somehow, as a the runt of the class, Candace was also leading a kindness revolution. That’s just one example, but she was known for including everyone at the famous Downing house slumber parties.
After Candace died, when we were still trying to put together the pieces, her friends heard about the mother of one girl saying something nasty to her after she’d been released from the hospital. Something along the lines of “you must be faking it or you wouldn’t be here,” when she went to support her basketball team, even though she couldn’t play. We later figured out she was hallucinating as there would have been zero opportunity for this conversation to transpire.
Her little gang, the Yayas, went to this family’s house and t.p.ed it and I think did something with chocolate syrup. I can’t quite remember all the details but the gist is they middle-school vandalized it. It was cruel, but they were angry for their friend who was no longer was around to defend herself, or them.
When the crew was confronted by the headmaster of the the school, he asked, “Do you think Candace would be very happy with what you did?” This immediately got them and they were devastated. Of course Candace wouldn’t have wanted them to do that. She was so anti-bullying, even if it was for her sake.
She had such a kind little heart, and I worry all the time that people will forget that. She wasn’t a little kid who died to soon, that was just something HAPPENED to her. As her big sister, it’s my job to keep that legacy going. my goal is to raise $2,800 this month in Candace’s name for Born This Way Foundation. I’d also love to share stories of how Candace was a good friend- either to you or if you saw her stand up for someone who needed it. I will keep adding to this post.
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