Originally I had a different post scheduled for today, but then I noticed the date. June 11th. My little sister’s birthday. It seemed like an appropriate time to share a post I’d been contemplating- how to honor a loved one who has passed while celebrating a wedding.
I’ll just jump right in here. It was really hard knowing that Candace wouldn’t be at my wedding. I’ve known for years how I wanted to honor her presence. Most of my friends, and probably many of my followers, know about my Little Pillow. Pillow is a generous word as it’s essentially a little square of flannel. Candace had one too. She was actually cremated with hers, but my mom made new pillow cases for both pretty regularly, and we had a piece of flannel along with the lace edging that she loved so much. I knew I had to have a piece sewn into my dress, and this is a pretty typical way to keep a piece of your loved ones with you on your wedding day. My cousin did the same thing with her dad’s shirt.
My mom had a clear vision of what she wanted to do as well. My sister had a personalized prayer book- I think from our Holy Communion. As my mom is not big on corsages, or many other MOB styles, our florist created a flower arrangement to go right on top of the prayer book for my mom to carry. My mom was still able to read from it as part of the ceremony.
To honor their grandmother, Kendall’s sister read a passage from the Bible that she had given Kendall before she passed. We had both of these details written into the program too, because it’s something that would probably have been missed by those attending otherwise. 
Another fairly popular wedding piece I’ve seen many times is the memorial table. The vase was from Oriental Trading but very simple, and one of my sweet bridesmaids did the calligraphy of the names. I’m so glad that Darrell + Kristin got a picture of the table because I never even got to see it! Apparently there was a crowd around it the whole cocktail hour. One thing to remember- this didn’t happen at my wedding- but never, ever use the memorial table as a cocktail table. It’s almost like a sacred space in my opinion, and that’s disrespectful .
We also honored our loved ones in heaven with prayers- one before the ceremony from my childhood priest, Father Ben, and one as part of the Prayers of The People during the ceremony. This is a personal choice, but I didn’t want to name any specific names during the ceremony as I always find that to be jarring. At the end of the day, our wedding was a celebrating of love and mine and Kendall’s new life as husband and wife. It wasn’t a memorial service and I didn’t want anyone to be sad. Surely, there were moments of mixed emotions missing those who should have been there, but it was mostly a day of happy celebration. 
The last thing we did, and I freakin’ loved this, our DJ dedicated some Nelly to my sweet baby sister at the reception, and we named a table Nelly to go with out music theme. She adored him, and these little things were a gift to her and to my bridesmaid, Juliana (above).
Something that didn’t work out for us- I would have loved to go to and from the church in one of my grandfather’s classic cars. However- there is one left and it doesn’t drive soooooo… the limo was just fine. How have you seen loved ones honored at weddings?
photos by Darrell McDavid Photography
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