January 10th is a hard day for myself and my family. We used to totally dread it, and I know, for me, it now sneaks up. January 10th, 2004, we lost my little sister.
I’m honestly not sure what all I’m allowed to put in print about the cause of her death, but I will say that it was unfair and never should have happened. I get so angry thinking about it. Angry because I couldn’t grow up with her. Angry she won’t be at or in my wedding. Angry that she never got to meet my Kendall.
But I have to remember to turn the angry off and stay positive because that’s what she would have wanted. Around the time she died, I heard a song that has stuck with me. Shine On by Jet was actually written for the death of a band member’s dad and there are these lyrics that just UGH hit me so perfectly:
And if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn’t wanna play
Don’t waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away
Those are truly my favorite lyrics of all time. I used it in my speech accepting my Citizens Commission on Human Rights Award after co-writing and narrating Prescription: Suicide? Those lyrics are literally a part of me and I consider them a message from my little sister.
I see experiencing her death as a test and task from God. Because of going through what I did, I am able to empathize with other left behind siblings who aren’t sure what’s normal or what do to. It took a long time to feel normal and I still go into absolute fits occasionally at the unfairness of it all. But I know that’s not how she would want me to live my life so after allowing myself to feel sad for a bit I take a deep breath, count my blessings, and remember that I’m still here, and with so many people I love and who love me.
Do me a favor today~ hug your siblings if you can, call them if you can’t, and love them unconditionally because you never know when you might lose them
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