Maintaining a healthy, loving relationship – living your life for you and someone you love, rather than just yourself – obviously takes a lot of work. One of the many things that can make them more difficult than they have to be is worrying obsessively about things that you shouldn’t. Obviously, staying in a relationship that isn’t right for you is one of the worst things you can do to yourself, but if you’re imagining issues that aren’t there, you could wind up throwing away the best thing that ever happened to you. Here, we’ll address some of the common, and usually unnecessary, worries that could ruin a wonderful relationship.
They’re Too Good For You
When you fall in love with someone, and they reciprocate the feeling, everything can feel very surreal. Your special someone’s so beautiful, smart, funny, and just generally amazing. Of all the people they could have had, you might feel flabbergasted by the fact that they chose little old you. This common relationship worry all comes down to self-esteem. If you feel you’re not good enough for your partner, try to find out what’s dragging you down. Do you think you’re too uneducated? Too shy? Too fat or thin? Whatever your fears about not being good enough for your partner are rooted in, you just need to get over the fact that you are good enough. They chose you, and everything that makes you the person you are makes them happy enough to stick around. Make a point to start loving yourself as much as they do, and soon enough, this niggling worry will melt away.
Their Friends and Family Don’t Like You
Again, this usually comes down to a lack of self-esteem, and convincing yourself of feelings that aren’t there. Seen as you’re reading this, you’re probably not a horrible person, and have no real reason for anyone not to like you. If your partner’s parents seem to be a little cagey whenever you come over for dinner, just bear in mind that maternal and paternal instincts are among the strongest in nature. Your partner may be an adult, but to their parents, they’ll always be that little boy they raised from infancy. Their child getting hurt is going to be up there with some of their worst fears, especially if they’ve had messy, painful breakups in the past. It’s also important to remember that differences in people’s personalities can be strenuous on the warm, open feeling you’d hope to get from a romantic partner’s friends and family. Think introverts and extroverts, intellectuals and non-intellectuals. If you’re different from the other important people in your partner’s life, then once again, get over it! If everyone got on perfectly, the world would be an insufferably boring place.
He’s Taking Too Long to Propose
If you’ve been with your partner continuously for four or five years, then understandably you might be waiting for him to take a knee and reach into a pocket. If he seems to be taking his time, you may be scared to bring it up directly, and ruin the magic when he does pop the question. A fear of commitment is more common in men than it is women, but him taking his time certainly doesn’t mean that he’s never going to propose. A beautiful betrothal ring isn’t cheap, and he may be in a tricky spot with his finances, or working on a long-term savings plan. Your relationship might be so strong, and have been going on for so long, that he might feel that there’s no need to propose and make it official. If he comes from a broken family, there may be a chance that he’s afraid of starting one, and putting a child through the messy divorce that he went through. If it’s really important to you that you sanctify your relationship, and he’s really taking too long, then you may have no choice other than to bring it up directly. Still, it’s important to remember that there are a range of reasons why a man will put off proposing, and hitting your five-year anniversary without a ring on your finger isn’t the end of the world!
The Fire’s Gone Out
Once again, this could be an issue that’s rooted in low self-esteem. More often than not though, it’s simply a reaction to the usual trend of you and your partner becoming less sexually active and passionate as the years go by. You may not be as crazy for each other as you remember being, but bear in mind that this happens to almost every couple. When you’re young, and just getting to know each other, the relationship is going to be far more centered on your physical attraction to one another, rather than a genuine, deeply-rooted love for the other person. There are any number of ways you can try to spice things up in the bedroom, and this can be great for a couple. However, the fire seeming to go out is really no cause for alarm. If you seem to want more of your partner than they want of you, talk to them about it, and try to meet somewhere in the middle.
They Love Their Friends and Family More Than They Love You
Sometimes, this worry comes up far too early in the relationship. This is the point where it’s actually true, and there’s nothing wrong with it. If your boyfriend of six months seems to connect better with a friend that he’s known from childhood, and this fact bothers you, then you might be expecting too much of him. The same thing goes for their family. However, if you’re several years in, and your partner seems to prefer spending time with their friends, family, or even their colleagues than with you, it’s important to get to the root of this. If they’re particularly extroverted, they might feel they need to spend time with a variety of different people. Introverts, on the other hand, might need their alone time. If you can’t think your way out of this worry, then talk about it.